Okay so contrary to what everyone advised me to I ended up messaging him. I know I know you are disappointment but here is the thing, this is how I am justifying it and you can chose to read or close the page.
I am not doing anything wrong. We are talking about general things in life, nothing 3aib aw 7aram and yes we are in rm'9an but like I said, we message every now and then and its just
"ha shlonich"
"shswaity ilyoum"
"shloun il dawam"
o marat bs edizly "good morning"
THATS IT!
we talked mara 3l telefone leana knt ry7a 3sha ib spoons ib f7ai7el and wanted company on the drive back so thought what the hell, and I was comfortable talking to him k2na a3rfa mn ziman.
He didnt flirt.
He didnt ask to see me.
When I say sorry I cant talk he understands and doesnt push for it.
I can see some of you shaking your head in disappointment, wly shocked wly ra7 itsib wtgoul iny ma asti7y o jililat 7ya o okay 9a7 kalamkum bs it wont stop me.
So I thought ra7 agoulkum il conversations ily 9arat baina o t36ony rykum, for those who would like to help out a complete airhead when it comes to relationships.
Day 1
It started out ina I am sending my friend a message wna I sent it to him by mistake. He didnt answer me on the spot.
A few days later I get a missed call mn a unknown number, my phone ma kan m3ay so I message mino, he asked intay mino daza msg mn cham youm 3la raqamy il thany. So I acted dumb o said sorry by mistake.
Galy 7a9al 5air o bs.
6ab3an knt 3la a39aby leana I felt like I wanted more.
Before I continue I want to tell you more about who I am maybe you will understand why I msged him.
For you who are interested in knowing who I am keep reading, for those of you who think I am a total bitch please close the window.
To say that I am lonely would be nothing to how I truly feel.
I am surrounded by family but I feel alone.
I have friends but I feel unimportant.
I work, but I feel like its just cause I have to. I am neutral about my work.
I wake up go to work, spend 8 hours there, come home, lunch, nap wake up watch tv ALL day with my phone off because lets face it mino ra7 ys2al 3ny?
All my friends are living the life they had planned, some dont need to work because well ... they just dont while others have their boyfriends/fiances/ and husbands to fill their lives.
I had a boyfriend when I was 18, I saw him in school and that was pretty much it. I didnt have a phone SO we stayed in touch over weekends by msn.
I graduated went to jam3a and we lost touch.
4 years of jam3a I hid from everyone because in my head I thought I was 3dya 7tan below 3dya so why bother.
I dress plain.
I look plain.
I am not skinny, not fat mm matrousa I guess.
and yes my weight bothers me, then again even skinny girls complain about their bodies 9a7?
Okay, so maybe 7yatie doesnt justify me staying in touch with this man.
But for now, I feel like I need him.
Even though he isnt completely available but I guess for now I can work with this.
Enough about my sobby life now, I will update you all on Day 2 tomorrow inshalah.
good night, o taqabal allah 6a3tkum!
Please refrain from harsh comments, had a lousy day.
8 comments:
Lsn I read it all and I don't know what to say everyone has reasons I'm not gonna tell u to stop bas tc u don't know what will happen bas lazim it7e6een limits for what's happening or something bad might happen
you should stop this for your own sake..
even if you feel lonely you can change your life to the better in so many ways...
make some new friends
bond with ur family
go shopping
o b3dain talking to a guy will sooner or later lead you to heartaches..
and its wrong in so many ways..
I think you're smart enough to know that..
and if you feel lonely and in need you should only turn to god... you'll feel a million times better than talking to a random guy
From your post .. You're kind of underestimating yourself .. Don't do that .. People are important because they made themselves that way .. By sitting around watching TV and doing nothing is pretty much nothing .. Fill your life and NEVER need some1
For example I still study, but when I come bk home I do charity and voluntary work, I go to the gym, and have a summer Job. I work 10 hours a day minimum so my days are usually full hence I set a day, Tuesday to be specific, to meet up with my besties, Fridays and Saturdays are family days.
My point is if you feel that you've got some space that you want to fill, fill them with useful things. I know that talking to a guy is different but I'm sure you'll eventually grow out of it. I say that because you'll get married and have your own life going on, b3dain you'll wish for a peaceful day from today to come back. Relationships mostly end up with heartaches or at least during the process.
You just have to be smart and draw your red line from now. Its obvious that your falling for him but don't fall too hard.
Don't tell him about how you see yourself, as in not important but just a typical girl, or he might take advantage of you. Feel special from the inside and every1 will see it in your eyes. Trust me every1 is special :)
tc xx
I agree with elegant beauty in terms of filling up ur day oo actually doing stuff,
bs in the same time i know how it feels, laying in bed and wishing you had some1 to think about, some1 who'd be the first and last person u'd talk to every day, some1 who'd just be there, even though they never say a thing, just the thought of a some1... i totally get that
in the mean time dont get too attached, oo take it step by step, chances are hes going to break ur heart, but still u can never assume everything, maybe if u do it right it can actually turn into something...
i just confused myself :S... i hope u understand me... mo 3aib ina u feel lonley oo mo 3aib ina u look for some1 to be there, bs il 3aib inch u go for some1 who doesnt want to be with u... just take care oo dont rush through it :)
best of luck
i agree with the others bas i still think inah its not 3aib to have a guy friend , bas the main point inah u dont fall for him or his charms... just keep him as a person who u can speak to and tell him mashaklich ... y3ny just as a friend
bas never think inah your not important or you dont stand out coz u do somehow ;) u just have to think positively and be optimistic and then youll see inah life will get better inshallah :D
shop more :D bring colour to ur life, change ur style, do something different bas that needs confidence and its inside u bas u need to let it all out :D
and if no one calls you, u call them... bond with ur friends and family, dont let him be the first one you turn to when ur sad/upset/feeling down etc.
anyway :D inshallah everything turns out great for u and alla yewafeegich fe 7ayatch wy wareech el sa3adah kilhaa :d <3
...
HRM <3
Reading your post there, I felt a lot of sadness from the writer, it unfortunate you feel so unworthy but reading on your description of yourself somehow reminded me of myself 3/4 years ago.
Though I'm sure your better off.
I had a really boring existence, no goals, no confidence, I was constantly put down by my friends. I was overly sensitive and mostly an introvert.
I hated the old me, even though I miss elements of my personality back then.
Anyhow, that thankfully changed, I let go of old friendships, changed my looks, blended in with a lot of people, and got involved with things I liked.
I suggest you get involved with things you like, I wouldn't say jumping into charity works and things like that, but perhaps a book club? or a dance class? Whatever you think sounds fun and interesting to you.
ABout this guy, well It wasn't very clear to me what he is to you...I can't say its wrong what your doing under the circumstances but It would be less worrisome if you don't put this much faith on this one person.
Don't keep your hopes up, don't expect anything, But if he's easy to talk to and seems to care I don't see anything wrong with getting his advice on things but I just wouldn't like it if things turn against you in the end.
I suggest you form a close bond with your family, a long time ago, I thought mine would constantly judge me and pin point my faults but I learned that they're the most people that care about me. I'm sure yours do as well.
I came across your blog and I just couldnt help commenting although i can see that its been a few months since you wrote this bas I just wanted to tell you one thing.
While reading your post I got the impression ina your trying to prove something to the reader, your trying to justify your actions ow you kept saying stuff like ina if you think i'm a bitch and stuff like that. Bas kint aby agoolch ina you dont have to prove anything for anyone, inty it3arfeen ina your not doing anything wrong, your confident in your actions and your choices so you should not be scared of what other ppl might think or say about you. Akeed we care about sim3atna ow kalam il nas bas we can please everyone, no matter how hard we try manigdar nar'9y kil il nas. Aham shay nar'9y roo7na ow rabna ow our close family and friends, the people we care about and who care about us.
I knw the feeling of being lonely, and I feel like your self esteem is so low. It starts from that, you have to feel good about yourself! Dont let anyone tell you or convince you ina your not beautiful! My cousin used to have low self esteem, she hated her body, her looks, everything! She used to believe ina she's normal and she was very shy and wouldnt talk at all! I made her promise me to look in the mirror everyday and say one thing she loves about herself no matter how small it is, and after a few months she became more confident and more outgoing! Maybe you should try that.
I wish you all the best!
Lots and lots of love for you xxx
**we CANT please everyone
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